had wanted to blog about the night
at alleybar,
of cigarette smoke infused hair,
watered down red merlot,
a motley crew,
2 pratas and a virgin sip of teh halia

BUT

how diminutive in proportion, all that
is that all i've learnt to care about? all that matters?
i read with an overwhelming sense of guilt, the article
"No tears at fond send-off for girl who lost battle with cancer"
Joan Chan Shu Fang
why did God let this happen? i lament.
why her of all people?
she does not deserve this. she who
lived out her life to the fullest.
softball captain of RJC
architecture degree in NUS
why do some people who deserve to die, live?
those who smoke their lungs out.
those who spend their lives making merry.
i judge. i judge. i judge. as if i'm god.

she wouldn't have allowed anyone to question God
i'm sure.
and i'm shamed to point that accusing finger.
for who am i to question when i'm not the one suffering in pain
i'm sure
in her last moments, she'd have done the same
but she'd have made peace with Him eventually
i'm sure
she loves Him
and once again i'm shamed.

i'm saddened. by my microscopic view.
what am i going to do about it?